I have always set the highest standards for myself. Most people who think of themselves as perfectionists tend to do so. Anything less than flawless simply won’t do.
I like having control over certain aspects of my life and when things turn out the way I like them to, it feels thrilling. I only ever want to do better.
With perfectionism comes great responsibility. We often pressure ourselves into becoming the ‘organisers’ of the family. The one that knows everyone’s needs, plans outings, gives advice on everything and fine-tunes every task down to the smallest detail. You can count on presents being perfectly wrapped for special occasions, that’s for sure.
No one asks us to do it, but we like seeing others happy so… what’s the problem?
The harsh truth is that more often than not, the expectations we put on ourselves can be harmful to our wellbeing overall. When things don’t turn out well, it’s debilitating. Even something as simple as posting a picture on Instagram can cause you stress and panic beyond comparison. Anything that is less than perfect can leave you crying your eyes out whilst others try to tell you not to worry so much, and to stop putting pressure on yourself. Not to mention the fact that procrastination and perfectionism go hand-in-hand, which prevents you from beginning any task that has an ounce of potential to fail.
So what can we do to embrace a more relaxed mindset? How can we cut ourselves some slack? I am definitely still learning, but I have found some effective ways to manage my own perfectionism.
- Experiment with a ‘nobody cares’ attitude
Easier said than done, I know. But the older I get, the more I’ve realised that literally nobody cares. ‘People aren’t thinking about you the way that you’re thinking about you’ (to quote one of my favourite tv shows, Schitt’s Creek).
This way of thinking frees up your mind and helps you recognise what is a big deal and what is not. The reality is, most people are too wrapped up in their own lives to care what you think of yourself and how you behave. So why should you care so much about getting it so right? Who are we doing it for?
- Learn to leave things ALONE.
This is a hard one, especially for those who have hobbies that are creative outlets. Try to let go of the little imperfections. It’s fine to accept that it might not be the best and that’s ok. I’ve found that trying to fix the problem can actually make it worse. Sometimes it’s best to leave things be.
- Know that perfection isn’t always the best way to learn or achieve your goals.
A University of Florida professor named Jerry Uelsmann set out a yearlong task on the first day of his film photography course. Students were split into two groups. Group A was told that the more pictures they took, the higher their grade would be. One hundred photos would earn them an A, ninety photos a B, and so on and so forth.
Group B was told that they only had to produce a single photo. It would simply have to be a high quality image in order to receive a high grade. Given the emphasis on quality over quantity, you would think that group B would have produced the highest quality photos, right? Nope.
Group A ended up with the best photos overall because throughout the year, students learned more about the various elements of a ‘good’ photo. By taking many photos, they were able to experiment with composition, lighting, and more. And through their mistakes, their images became higher quality over time. Group B could not compete, as all they had to show for their efforts was one photo that they would have to prove to be perfect.
The lesson here is that we very rarely get it right the first time. By learning from our mistakes and learning to fail, we are much more likely to grow and succeed.
So remember, if it’s not perfect on the first try, then it’s a learning experience.
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